i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
