The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
