Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
