You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
