Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
