I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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