Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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