Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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