Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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