and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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