I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
