How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
