So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
