thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
