Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
