I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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