I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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