I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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