I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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