Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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