the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i now understand why vodka
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
