letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
