Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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