Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
