And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
