From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
