my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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