i think my tv is drunk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
