i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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