I got chris browned last night
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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