Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
