wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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