i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
