census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
