Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
