You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
