I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
