There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
