u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
why is half of my head shaved?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
