I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she told me i tasted like america
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Houston, we have a blender
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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