addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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