remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
