hotel room ftw
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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