I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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