You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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