I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
