I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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