So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
