He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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