Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
