We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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