There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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