U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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