My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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