It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
