physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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