i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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