he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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