I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
