My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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