If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
