I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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