i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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