dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize