Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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