i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
