Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
