How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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