you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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