Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
