I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I faked an abortion last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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