"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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