I wanna passion pit in your ass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My bed smells like the plague
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
