Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
