dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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