Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
