they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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