My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
