I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
