The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
