singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
