hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
