so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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