how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
