If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
